I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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