I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to fling myself into the sun
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
