On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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