The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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