I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
