I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
