He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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