Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
