every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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