Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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