Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
