he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
