How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There r osticjed everywhere
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
