ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
