Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
