JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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