True but thats because hes a fetus.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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