I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
