He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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