Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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