OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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