My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
