I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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