using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
