Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
