I wish I could teleport
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize