i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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