How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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