That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
