Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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