thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
