I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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