Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
