We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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