look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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