he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
