I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize