I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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