Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
