im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
