oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
