well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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