You're earring is so big in my mouth
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
