last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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