Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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