I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just cropdusted the office
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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