Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
