you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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