Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
