once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
