Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
