Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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