Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
