OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
