I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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