everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
