she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
