i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
