This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
