my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
