She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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