I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
