I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
