What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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