It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the condom got lost in my hair
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
