she looked like the before picture.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
