woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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