Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
