belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
